MY GLITCH IN THE MATRIX

“28 times around the sun, and what have you done?”

That’s what someone had the audacity to say to me today. Initially it seemed strange to me, most people just say the generic “happy birthday”… I couldn’t determine if this person was saying this in jest, or just, being an asshole. So I decided to tell myself the former and move on with my day.

But I can’t help thinking, what is it I’m supposed to have done? Should I have it all figured out by now? I feel like I should but I certainly don’t, possibly never will. 10 years as a legal adult and each felt like a separate lifetime. The chaos and disorder, change and challenges, burning it all down and building again. And again. And again…

Of course being AuDHD plus Bipolar certainly hasn’t helped me…it’s like winning the mental health anti-lottery. Most days I just try to figure out how to exist as a human. Also most days I fail miserably at this task.

I used to think I needed to fit in with other humans, to form connections or something deep and meaningful like that. I tried for a while… I don’t think I believe that anymore. Or more so, I don’t think I’m very capable of doing so. My social battery has very low capacity. In real life, in person, online; it’s all the same to me. There’s very little of myself I can give to other people before I’m depleted, drained, and need to recharge or, “regenerate”.

Yet still I realise, this soul incarnated into this body for a purpose. Perhaps that purpose is just to experience the challenges of this particular neurodivergent state….

I’m better when I meditate, astral travel, leave this 3D existence behind for awhile. I’ve begun exploring the Gateway Experience meditations… it’s promising…

Being in nature, yoga, Energy work, distance healing, consulting my Akashic records, channeling Pleiadians and multi dimensional guides, Angels, living in 5D…. These things work for me…. So perhaps that’s where my focus should be. My strengths exist outside the 3D.

This realm is too dense for me… too filled with… negative energies, negative entities… they can drain the life force out of me, if I let them.

They don’t realise, it’s not about what this form has done, it’s the soul inside that’s older than the sun. 28 years is a millisecond in the eternal existence of this soul, trying again to remember its mission. To find my true purpose and the meaning of existence…

So I regroup, re access, reevaluate…relearn, release, rethink…

And just…be…in my I AM presence… until further ideologies come to me.